Boris Johnson vows to get HongKentrance done

Boris Johnson has promised a comprehensive path to citizenship for displaced Hong Kong citizens with ties to Britain, should the security law endorsed by China's National People's Congress go into effect.

"Come here you chinky lads", said a visibly erect Johnson. "Come to papa Boris, come Brenter my arms."

The comments come after a series of escalations in an intense stand-off between China and the UK.

"I want to um.. give the people a chance.. a chance to Hong Kexit Hong Kong and Hong Kentrance me [sic]," bellowed a profusely sweating Johnson. "These people", continued the fumbling ham-beast of a man, "have a chance to return to the.. to the.. glorious Empire of England."

"If China carries out this measure we will be forced to recognize these Chinamen as British citizens," said Johnson, between heavy gasps of air, "immigration is an important issue for displaced.. er.. citizens of an.. oppressive regime."

"Hong Kong," said Johnson, shoveling assorted cheeses down his throat, "is part of Old England proper."

When questioned, Boris said no such similar offers would be extended to refugees from other countries with repressive regimes, like America.

"Americans will always be welcomed into the warm girthy bosom of father Boris" huffed an overheating Johnson, "in the event they should face such a regime."