How to survive a status update meeting for a project you don't actually know anything about

Presentation is everything! In the absence of anything to present, this becomes ever more the case! Here are some handy phrase substitutions you can use in a pinch for a any status update meeting for which are you not necessarily sure what the project even is in the first place.

Instead of saying: "I didn't actually look at that yet"

Try saying: "I’ll take a look"

Instead of saying: "I have no idea"

Try saying: "Well, I’ll have to take another look at the tasks to come up with an accurate timeline"

Instead of saying: "No, I don't want to do that," or "sure, I can take care of that"

Try saying: “I’m impartial”

Instead of saying: "I don't really even know what I'm supposed to be doing and I haven't read a single one of the documents you sent me and it's far too late for me to actually admit that"

Try saying: “I got sidetracked with the <insert other task> stuff”

Note: It's vital to always have at least one other project no one on your team actually knows anything about. That way you can always bring it up when cornered.

If you follow these tips, everyone will correctly assume you don't know what's going on without anyone explicitly mentioning it. This is key to ensuring your more competent coworkers just do the work you were supposed to do because they know you're just not going to do it anyway.

By the next status update, someone will have something to report--and if they don't--you know just how to handle it.