Joe Biden won't stop walking six feet behind me screaming, "if you don't like me, don't vote for me"

The Ivy Collegiate
May 29, 2020
2 min read

In this edition of point/counterpoint

Point: Joe Biden won't stop walking six feet behind me screaming, "if you don't like me, don't vote for me"

Help!

Joe Biden has been following me non-stop for three days hissing through his shiny, perfect teeth, "if you don't like me, don't vote for me."

I haven't slept. I've barely ate.

Each morning I look out my window and there he is: standing at the edge of my lawn--his patient eyes' just waiting to track my movements--just waiting for the moment I step outside.

I'm afraid to even leave my house. I know that if I do, Joe Biden will be there to shout, "if you don't like me, don't vote for me." I am too embarrassed to go anywhere. All of my friends are avoiding me.

How am I supposed to explain this to my children? How am I supposed to tell them that Joe Biden screaming "if you don't like me, don't vote for me", is just a part of life? Am I just supposed to tell them that this is the way things are?

In the darkness of night I can still feel his presence. Rain or snow, I open my blinds to see his gentle smile greeting me from the sidewalk. His gleaming, pearly teeth. His eyes soft, his demeanor calm. He knows I must once more venture into the fray, once again giving him the chance to follow exactly six feet behind me saying, "if you don't like me, don't vote for me."

I'm afraid.

I'm running out of options.

Joe Biden won't stop following me and shouting "if you don't like me, don't vote for me," and I'm worried there's no way out.